How To Be A Lap Dog

Dear Maggie,

If you ever learn how to read, make sure to read this post.  I’m going to give you a very important lesson on how to be a lap dog.  What’s a lap dog you ask?  By pure definition, you are already a lap dog.  It’s a small dog that fits comfortably on someone’s lap.  While on someone’s lap, many dogs take this opportunity to relax, take a nap or watch TV.  If you follow the bullet points below, you’ll learn the strategy in getting on someone’s lap and showcasing the “lap dog position”.  Ready?

  • First, sit very close to the couch, stare at the person and have your tail thump against the floor.  This will get the person’s attention… plus it’s very cute.
  • Continue to stare.  Perhaps tilt your head a little to the side… give a little whimper.
  • As soon as your person starts to move a little, either to scratch your head or pet your back, immediately get up on all fours.  Be ready to be picked up.  It won’t hurt for you to wag your tail in a furious manner.
  • If your person picks you up and places you right on the sofa, make sure to seize the opportunity and get into “lap dog” position!  Lap Dog Position = front of the body on the lap while your butt is sitting on the sofa.  Place your head on the person’s lap.  If your person does not pick you up, start again from the first bullet point.  Persistence is the key.
  • Enjoy your time as a lap dog!  Just make sure you don’t pass gas while doing this!  The person will appreciate it.

Yes... I'm listening

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