Dear God: It’s me, the Dog

A couple of days ago, a good friend sent me an email with the following content attached.  I took a quick read of it and thought that this was DoggieNotebook worthy to share!  I don’t know who wrote this but whoever you are, you did a great job in amusing me.   Enjoy everyone!

 

Dear God: It’s me, the Dog

Dear God: Is it on purpose that Our  Names are spelled the same,
only in reverse?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,  but seldom, if ever,
smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit  on your couch? Or will
it be the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after  the jaguar, the cougar,
the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named
for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We love a nice
car ride! Would it be so hard to rename  the ‘Chrysler Eagle’ the
‘Chrysler Beagle’?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off  in the forest and no human
hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human  verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do
humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs,  less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?  If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Here is a list of  just some of the things I must remember
to be a good Dog: 1. I will not eat the cat’s food before he eats  it
or after he throws it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. 4. The sofa is not a ‘face
towel’.  5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 6. I will
not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.  7.
Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying ‘hello’.  8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when
I’m under the coffee table. 9. I must shake the rainwater out of my
fur before entering the house – not after. 10. I will not come in from
outside,  and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. 11. I will
not sit in the middle of the living room, and lick my crotch. 12. The
cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’, so when I play with him and he makes that
noise,  it’s usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven, May I have my testicles back?

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